


Anytime

by ShadowsFiction



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Forgiveness, Love, Zayn Malik - Freeform, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-15
Updated: 2015-04-15
Packaged: 2018-03-23 03:24:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3752665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowsFiction/pseuds/ShadowsFiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are some choices in love that might not have been the correct one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anytime

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first post on here. Yah me! And... I wrote this before Zayn left, so I've been on the fence about posting it, but I finally decided to do it. Enjoy?

Parker turned over in her bed, the covers falling to the empty side, again. She couldn’t sleep. She hadn’t been able to sleep properly in months. She knew it was because her body was missing his. But, they were no longer together and it still caused her pain.

One month before she was set to wed her childhood love, he called things off. He said it was because he wasn’t ready, but she knew it was because he was afraid of the life that came after marriage.

He wanted children, but he wanted to wait for a few more years. Parker, on the other hand, grew up wanting to have children possibly even before she wed. She knew that Zayn wanted to wait, she would agree to it, but inside she wanted nothing more than to be a Mum.

Maybe the tip of the iceberg for Zayn was six weeks until the wedding and Parker’s period was late. She was on birth control and he always wore protection. But there were times that protection was forgotten; such as a drunken fumble after one of Harry’s famous mixers, or an early morning session just before Zayn has to go into the studio.

The waiting to find out if Parker was actually pregnant was enough to frazzle his mind. He wasn’t sure if he was ready. The idea of not being sure was what caused him to call off the wedding. He didn’t want to marry her and then change his mind. It wouldn’t be fair to Parker, and if anything, Zayn wanted to be fair.

She wasn’t pregnant in the end, but it was done now. She moved back to Bradford from London and he went on tour with his band.

They hadn’t spoken longer than five minutes in the four months they have been broken up. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to him, but it was because she didn’t know if he wanted to talk to her.

She reached over to her bed side table and grabbed her phone. The light blinded her eyes, causing her to look away from her phone, to the ring that sits in a dish on her night stand. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared at the ring.

She looked back to the phone, opening her twitter and scrolled through her feed. He never tweeted, obviously. He was a bit of a recluse. He didn’t do things unless he felt like it.

She penned a tweet and put her phone away, rolling over, and trying to go back to sleep.

***

Zayn lied awake in his bunk, not being able to sleep. He had his earphones in, hoping music would lull him to sleep, but his efforts went unnoticed by his brain.

It had been months since he had a proper sleep. Nothing was working for him. He knew what he needed, but he couldn’t ask that of her. He left her, and it wasn’t right for him to go crawling back to her.

He still loves her, though. He never stopped, he just got cold feet. He wanted to marry her, he did, but the after marriage part scared the shit out of him. He was only twenty two, and even though they had been together, at the time, going on seven years, he was still scared.

When she said she thought she was pregnant, he freaked out. It wasn’t the first time this had happened. When they were sixteen, they lost their virginities together, and in the heat of the moment, neither one of them remembered to wear protection. Luckily enough, they weren’t pregnant, but that fear, it stayed, and it just came to a climax that one night.

He turned over in the bed, careful of making too much noise, as Louis was asleep in the bunk across from him. It was just him and Lou on the bus that night. The other three opted to stay in the hotel, the traitors.

He searched through his music and found some old school Brian McKnight and pressed play.

He played a few random games on his phone, text his Mum back, now that she would be awake at home, and piddled around until he grew bored.

He opened twitter, and flittered through his time line, seeing a lot of tweets that were sent to him. Some were hate, as they tended to be at times, some were fans being stoked for the show the following night, and there were some where he couldn’t help but let out a chuckle.

One stood out to him, though. It was Parker’s twitter. She had tweeted at two in the morning her time.

Parker Evans

@ParkerEvansMalik  :::I fell in love with a beautiful [boy] and [he] still takes my breath away:::

He knows the song, it was one released by the American X Factor winners of the year before. He liked them, but he knew Parker loved them. The song, though, is one that, if he remembers correctly, Harry wrote for them.

Zayn Malik

@zaynmalik :::I fell in love in the morning sun, while the hours slipped away:::

He knew the storm that was about the brew on twitter, so he exited the app, and turned back over. He had to get to sleep; he had a show to do and couldn’t be dead on his feet for it.

 

***

Parker saw his tweet the next time she logged on to her twitter. She didn’t send out another one though. She just let it go until she saw him the next time.

 She was going out to London for the weekend, as Little Mix had a show that she wanted to attend, and One Direction had one the following night. She checked her phone and caught the time. She had to get going or she was going to miss the train.

She checked her bag one more time and then looked to her bed stand, and saw her ring sitting there. She debated on wearing it or leaving in. Instead, she placed it on a chain and wrapped it around her neck. At least it was close to her.

***

The train ride was long and boring, yet she still made it. She checked into her hotel and took a small nap. The show didn’t start for a few hours, so she would have time to get up, shower and get ready in a bit.

She climbed in the bed, but she couldn’t sleep. The lonely feeling seeped in and she sighed. Of course, she was near him, without being near him, and her mind wouldn’t let go.

***

Parker’s taxi made it to the arena, and she sent off a text to the girls to let them know she was there. She found her way to the usher and gave him her name, and he let her back. She was escorted to the girls’ dressing room where she could hear them rehearsing.

She knocked on the door and waited for one of them to tell her to come in. When the door opened before her, her breath was knocked out of her body.

She didn’t know he would be there. She hadn’t seen him in months, not in the flesh anyways. She peered around his shoulder and saw Perrie give her thumbs up. She sighed. Of course Pez would have set this up. She had been rooting for them from the moment they met.

She backed up until she was at the wall. Was she ready for this? She hadn’t been this close to him since he walked out of their shared house.

“Hi,” she whispered, looking up at him. Her blue eyes met his honey coloured ones. He reached for her and she smiled slightly before stepping into his arms. He felt like home.

“What are you doing here?” He whispered into her hair and she sighed into his chest. “I came to see the girls’ show. I didn’t know you would be here, though. Not that I don’t want to see you, I just didn’t know. I have a feeling Perrie had something to do with this.”

“I have a meddlesome friend, eh?” Zayn pulled back and Parker chuckled, nodding.

“A right pest, that one.”

“How are you?” He asked as he took a step back. Her smile wavered as he asked the question that she couldn’t even figure out herself.

“I’m ok.” She told him, but she wasn’t sure she even believed that. Anyone who knew her would be able to see through that.

“You’re not a very good liar, babe.” He shook his head and she looked away from him.

He sighed and reached out and turned her face towards him. “To be fair, I’m not doing much better.”

“You can’t just say that, Zayn. It’s not fair. You’re the one who left. I didn’t want you to leave; it was you who walked out that door. So forgive me if it’s taken some adjustment from having you with me, being with me, and then not having it all in a matter of minutes. So, no, I’m not fine, and I don’t know how long it will take before I feel normal again, but don’t tell me how you’re not fine, because it’s your own fault.”

She pushed past him and made her way into the dressing room with the girls. Perrie gave her a sad smile, but didn’t say anything. They had a show to get ready for.

***

Parker stood to the side of the stage, watching the girls dance with their dancers. She was bit jealous, as she didn’t have a dancing bone in her body. She couldn’t dance to save her life.

She could feel Zayn behind her. She knew without turning around that he had his arms crossed against his torso, and was mouthing along the lyrics to the songs.

There was an intermission coming up, she knew that it was for the girls to change into their next outfit. She watched as they finished their song and dropped through the stage and Perrie winked at her just before she did. What was she up to?

***

“So, this is the part of the show where we do a cover song and we thought for tonight only, we’d add another song to our set. How many of you know of Brian McKnight?”

The crowd cheers. He is quite popular after all.

“Well, this is Anytime.”

Parker felt Zayn tense up behind her. He knew that they were singing one of his favourite artists’ songs and why they were doing it. She spun around to face him and his stoic mask fell a bit.

“I’m sorry.” She read his lips and she smiled sadly at him.

“I know.” She told him before she looked back to the girls and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall from her eyes.

***

She didn’t wait for the set to be over. She smiled sadly at the girls before she moved around Zayn to exit the side of the stage. He grabbed her arm as she did and stopped her.

“Please don’t go.” He pleaded with her and she shook him off.

“I can’t, Zayn, I just can’t.” She turned and walked out.

She pulled out her phone when she got outside, ready to call a taxi.

“I can take you back to your hotel.” She heard behind her and she spun around to find Zayn there. She should have known he wouldn’t just let her walk out on him.

“I can find my own way, thanks.” She muttered before turning back to her phone; which didn’t do much to deter him, as he grabbed it out of her hands and stuffed it in his pocket.

“You’re a right pain in me arse, Malik.”

“I aim to please.” He told her before ushering her to his car, where his driver was waiting. Why the boy still didn’t have his license was beyond her.

“You aim to piss me off is more like it,” she muttered and he laughed as he opened the door and ushered her in the back seat.

“What hotel are you staying at, babe?”

Her heart fluttered when he called her babe. She knew it was just a term of endearment that he used casually, but hearing him call her babe, well, it felt good. She missed it. A lot.

“Hyde Park,” she told him and the dark look in his eye caused her to shrink back a bit.

He didn’t speak, just nodded for Preston to drive.

***

The car ride was silent. Parker just stared out at the lights while the car whizzed through the streets. She knew that Zayn would have something to say about the hotel she chose. It wasn’t the lap of luxury he had grown used to.

“Stop being a tit, Malik. It’s just a hotel.” She mumbled as he scowled at the hotel as they pulled up. As soon as Preston stopped the car, she bolted.

She knew he would follow her. He always did when she got mouthy with him. It was something the two of them did. She didn’t know why, but they did.

She reached in her bag and pulled out the key and slid it in the door. She tried to close it on him, but he stuck his foot in the door and pushed his way in.

“What do you think you’re doing?” She practically screeched at him as he started gathering her things and shoved them in her go bag.

“You’re not staying here.” He told her. His word was final. She knew there was no arguing with him.

“And where do you suppose I stay then?”

“You’re coming home with me.”

She gasped when the words fell from his lips. She hadn’t been in that house since she moved back home after their split. She didn’t know if she could go back in that house, the one they bought, together, to raise their family when the time came.

She didn’t know why she didn’t fight him. Maybe because she was tired of fighting, or in the back of her mind, all she really wanted all along was to come home, even if it was for one night.

***

The house was just as she remembered it; grey stone, out in the open, beautiful, and perfect. It was her dream home. Zayn bought it because she fell in love with it the moment she saw it.

She got out of the car and waited for Zayn as he grabbed her bag. Preston parked the car in the drive and made his way around the back of the house to his quarters after taking his leave.

“Welcome home, babe.”

“Zayn,” she whispers. He knows he shouldn’t have said that, but he can’t help it.

“I know, I just…”

“You just what, Zayn?” she questioned. “You thought bringing me back to the home we once shared was going to be ok? That it wasn’t going to hurt to look at this house and know why we bought it and now why we’re not living together?”

Zayn opened the door with his key and he ushered her inside. She stood in the foyer, her eyes glistening as she tried not to cry.

“I’m sorry. I fucked up. I know I fucked up. I wish that I could go back and change how badly I hurt you, but I can’t. I have to live with that. I have to live with knowing that I let the only person in this whole fucking world, who means everything to me, go. I have to live with the pain I caused you, that I’m causing myself, and our families. I have to live with that. Forgive me for not thinking of how much it would hurt to have you back home, but not really be back home. I wasn’t thinking. I just knew that I didn’t want you staying in that shit hole hotel and not home with me.

When I saw you tonight, I finally realized just how much I missed you. The pain of losing you was nothing like anything I have ever encountered. I know it’s my fault. I know I can’t go back, but I know that you still love me and I still love you. I know that I want to try and get back what we had. I know that you’re wearing my engagement ring around your neck. I know that you want this as much as I do. That you’re as scared as I am. I also know that I won’t make the same mistake twice. Losing you has been the worst few months of my entire life. I can’t not have you anymore. I need you, Parker, like I need air to breath. You’re the other half of me.”

She was silent. What could she say to that?

“Don’t say anything right now, just sleep on it.” He led her to one of the guest rooms, knowing that she wouldn’t want to sleep in their bed.

He set her bag down on the bed and started to retreat from the room. She scrambled to grab him before he left.

“Don’t go, stay with me.”  She pleaded with him. He was hesitant until she said, “please.”

He nodded, and told her that he was going to change into his pyjamas and then would come back.

She changed out of her clothes, washed her face in the bathroom, and slipped into her dressing gown, before sliding into the right side of the bed, waiting for him to come back.

She heard the door open and she looked up to see him walking towards her. He climbed in the bed, pulled her close, and closed his eyes. She didn’t even try to distance herself from him.

***

Morning came and Parker didn’t want to get out of the bed. She could swear she hadn’t slept that well in what seemed like forever. She knew why she slept better. It was because she had her missing piece and she felt whole again.

“ZAYN JAVADD MALIK, WHERE ARE YOU? YOU’RE LATE FOR SOUND CHECK!” Parker hears sound through the house just before the bedroom door opens and Harry slipped his head in.

“Huh?” He winks and comes in the room, and grabs at Zayn to get him up.

“Styles, if you value your life, you would let go of me and get out.”

“We have a show today, sunshine! You have to get up and tell me all about how you got this pretty girl to forgive your stupid arse, and you have to come and make the girls swoon at your beautiful cheek bones. Come on, Z. Time to get up.”

“I’ll get him up, Haz, don’t worry.” Parker motioned for Harry to leave the room and he winked laciviously at her.

“Not like that, you perve!” She screeched and Zayn’s eyes opened and he blinked at her sleepily.

“Are you going to come?” He asked, his voice thick with sleep. She shrugged. “I was going to go anyways, but I guess I can watch you lot do sound check.”

He nods and rolls out of the bed and shuffles down the hall to his bedroom to get dressed to leave.

“Damn it, Styles. It’s five in the bloody morning. What the fuck?” She can hear Zayn yelling at his band mate as she slips in to some leggings, a cream jumper, and a pair of flats.

“I know you, you would have woken up around 10, and you live almost two hours away from the stadium. I had to make sure you’d make it on time.”

“You’re a right pain in me arse, you fucking knob.”

“That’s not nice, mate.”

Parker slipped into the bathroom with her bag and started her morning ritual. She threw her hair up in a messy bun and left the room to find Zayn and Harry sitting at the bar with a cuppa in front of them, and one waiting for her.

She smiled grateful at the two of them before taking a sip and Zayn sent a wink her way. He still remembered how she took her cuppa. Of course it would be hard to forget after making it for years, but that was beside the point.

“We need to get going, mate.” Harry pointed to the clock on the wall and Zayn begrudgingly nodded his head.

***

It was crazy. She hadn’t seen the boys perform in so long. She had taken to staying away from all things One Direction. As she stood on the side of the stage, she was overwhelmed with just how many people were in the stadium. It was huge.

She hadn’t really had a moment to talk to Zayn about his outburst the night before, to be perfectly honest; she wasn’t even sure what she would say to him.

She loves him, yes, but is loving him enough to forgive him for basically pushing her out of his life when he got scared? Could she do this again? Be with him, but always have that fear that he’s going to freak out and run away again?

She sat on one of the spare speakers, watching the boys float around their rather large stage. She watched Zayn interact with the fans, a smile on his face. He seemed rather free when he was on the stage. She knew that was where he wanted to be.

She watched as they joked around on stage, at times she caught Zayn’s eye as he was belting out the lyrics or doing a little dance. She had to smile at that.

He was right. She missed him. She was hurt that he left her when he got scared. But, she loves him. She loves him more than she can ever begin to express. She just doesn’t want to make a choice and have it come back to bite her in the arse later on.

She watched the show and shook her head when she saw Harry reach over and swat one of the boys in the bollocks before dancing away. It was time for their twitter segment and they had to all go in the middle of the riser for it.

She listened as they joked around and answered the questions.

“Why didn’t you add Half a Heart to the set list? This one is from the one and only Perrie Edwards, watching from a box somewhere.” She watched as the five of them huddled and discussed something.

“Well, Miss Edwards, it seems like we have decided to play a special song tonight. This one is from our album Midnight Memories and it’s called Half a Heart.”

Parker felt her phone vibrate in her pocket and she pulled it out. It was a text from Perrie.

_Love you xx P_

Parker was a bit confused as she read the text, but as the song started, she realized the stadium was quiet (which never happens unless you’re in Japan.) She looked up to the stage and gasped when she saw that the camera was projecting her on the screen and the boys were off doing their own thing, but Zayn was singing directly at her.

Tears welled in her eyes. She knew they never did this. They just didn’t. What was he doing?

The song ended and she just stared at him.

“I was a jerk. I knew the moment I walked out of the door that I messed up. I wanted to walk back inside and tell you how much of a failure I was. I let go of the only person who meant the world to me.  I’m sorry.”

Parker just stared at him. She wasn’t sure what she should do. HE was kind of putting her on the spot with all of this. The fans were watching. The whole world would probably see this on YouTube, insta, and vine in a few hours.

“Are you asking if I forgive you?” She found herself asking and she saw him visibly relax.

“In a roundabout way, yes,” he started towards her, but the look in her eye made him stop.

“Yes, I forgive you, but don’t think that singing to me in front of a crowd of your fans is going to get you off the hook for hurting me. You have a lot of making up to do, Malik.”

She saw the slight hint of smile cross his face. She saw Harry push Zayn towards her, only stopping when Zayn was standing in front of her.

“If you don’t kiss her, I will.” He hissed, but it was heard through his mic, and the crowd went crazy.

She saw that Harry was completely serious. The boy had no boundaries. When Zayn didn’t immediately do as he said, he started to lean towards her. Parker slipped away from him and spun Zayn around to face her. She didn’t let him lean down to kiss her, she leaned up and kissed him.

Maybe she was making a mistake with letting him back in, maybe she wasn’t, but she knew that he was the other half of her and maybe that was worth it.

 


End file.
